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  Chapter 1

  Dan Swanson

  I’m standing with some teammates watching another game of beer pong. It’s the first party in our frat house, A large old colonial style house, red brick with big white pillars out the front. It almost feels wrong to be using it for parties. I’m sure others are having the time of their lives, but I’m here because I kind of have to be. I’m a freshman starting quarterback. The senior quarterback tore his hamstring over the summer break, leaving me, with zero college game time, starting. People are walking over and shaking my hand, but I’m feeling tense, like something is going to happen tonight.

  I turn my head to see and watch something walk through the front door, sending alarm bells off in my head. I watch her walk through my front door, more specifically. I can’t believe it. Of all the people, I did not expect to Grace fucking Miller to turn up to my frat house. We haven’t ever come face to face since the incident. A cold prickling sensation spreads across the back of my neck.

  I used to see her around the school a lot, at least before her dad expelled me, but I never saw Grace dressed like that. Not the conservative ‘I’m so perfect’ Grace Miller. She hung out in different circles. Not nerdy circles, let’s say… academic.

  That’s not the Grace Miller I’m looking at tonight. Tonight, She’s changed the cardigan and loose fitting jeans for a knockout dress. The contrast of her freckles against her pale skin, resting on her cheekbones is jarring. She has some other girl with her. The other girl looks far more comfortable, walking through the house, hugging people and making small talk as Grace follows behind with all the awkwardness of a new-born gazelle. This gazelle is amongst a pack of lions, and I'm Mufasa.

  It takes me a moment to realize I’ve been glaring. She looks at me and her facial expression is something I can only liken to a deer -no, a gazelle- caught in the headlights. Surprised I made it to college after your father’s efforts, Grace? Well here I am.

  ‘Hey man’, Jake said, in a serious tone.

  Despite my mood, I chuckle at the look on his face. You would think something much worse than the daughter of the principal who expelled me in my second to final year of school has just fronted up to our party.

  ‘What’s up’? I try to play it cool, but Jake has always had a sixth sense for when I’m pissed. He’s got to. He’s my receiver. Best hands in the business. Fastest, too.

  A lot of people draw quick conclusions about Jake and assume he’s kind of a dumbass. While this is definitely true in some situations, he always manages to surprise me with his ability to pick on the vibes of others around him. He’s was without a doubt the most popular guy with the ladies in High School, and it looks like history will repeat itself throughout college.

  Keeping his serious tone he continues on, ‘Let’s go out the back man, the lineup for the toilet is way too long and I don’t want to piss in the back yard alone’.

  ‘What do you think is going to happen in the backyard Jake, do you want me to hold your cock for you?’ I ask, pretending to be annoyed, but find it difficult to hold back the amusement in my voice.

  ‘Come on man I need to piss let’s go’ he says, ignoring my response. ‘and anyway, it’s getting a little crowded in here’, he says, giving me a sly wink. I know immediately he is giving me shit that no one else about a subject that no one else would have the balls to do.

  I turn around and start walking out the back, shaking my head. A feeling of relief is accompanied by a cool breeze as we step onto the back lawn. The back yard is also full of drunk people, one group standing around a guy being held upside down for a keg stand. I don’t judge these people for partying like this, but come on. Most people here are paying a small fortune just to party and get hammered. I don’t disagree with it, but it’s pretty fucking stupid. Surely Grace isn’t here to get wasted, that doesn’t seem like her. Not that I really know her, and it’s not like I’d care if she was here to get wasted.

  Chapter 2

  Grace Miller

  Well… That couldn’t have gone much worse. I knew Dan was attending the same university, but a small part of me hoped that I wouldn’t bump into him and, if I was unlucky enough for that to happen, then at least he might not recognize me. Both of my hopes, dashed. Just like that. I suddenly feel very unwelcome.

  ‘I told you Mia. Nothing good ever comes from me going to a party’, I huff out, in an exasperated tone.

  Mia rolls her eyes at me ‘babe,’ she replies, ‘It was going to happen sooner or later. Better to get it out the way now rather than have it awkwardly happen when you don’t have your girl here to support you, right? And you need all the help you can get to avoid painfully awkward situations, my sweet'.

  She has a point. Even though Mia loves a party and is the epitome of a social butterfly, she has always kept me firmly under her wing. She never seems to have any problems with guys chasing her wherever she goes.

  ‘Come on, let’s get a drink’, Mia says as she us over to a table filled with an assortment of spirits and mixers. Someone has clearly bankrolled this party with the intention of starting the year of with a bang. If only I could share the same enthusiasm as the guys throwing this party. I promised myself I’d try to be more social in college than school, but it doesn’t help my stomach from feeling like its tying itself into knots now that I’m actually doing it. I just can't help but feel a disconnect from myself and all these people who seem to live only for Friday and Saturday night.

  I’m feeling flustered after locking eyes with Dan and I can still feel my cheeks burning. I’ve haven’t seen him since before he was expelled, three years ago. I was sure he didn’t even notice me that day, but after that little staring competition, he definitely seems to remember me. We went to the same school, and the same class here and there, but never mixed in the same circles. Dan’s name always seemed to be on the radio for something related to football. He was hard to ignore. One of the best prospects of making it to the NFL and his college career hasn’t even started, at least that’s what I hear people say.

  And now this semi-famous Dan swanson, who clearly hates me judging by the way he was shooting fricking laser beams through my skull, is at the same college as me.

  ‘Ok Grace. I think you need to just sort this out. Squash your beef with Swanson. Go and tell him you are just here to enjoy the party and you don’t want any problems’, Mia says, hands on her hips.

  ‘Um, why should I go speak to him?’ I say back, trying my hardest to show a hint of annoyance, which is hard for me to do considering I’m the least confrontational person on earth.

  ‘Well, it is kinda his party. I think it would be the right thing to do. But it’s your business so I’ll just shut up’, Mia says back mildly.

  'Well thanks for letting me know that it was his place before we got here'. I say, in my best meek, non-confrontational voice i can muster.

  'We both know you would have sat away tapping on your laptop making stories if you didn't come out tonight, and you said you wanted to be more sociable during college' Mia retorts, as she takes a drink offered to her from a person I have never seen in my life.

  You’re kidding me! This is Dan Swanson’s house. And she didn’t bother telling me? Great. My mind is racing with every possible terrible scenario that could happen. I don’t need or want to get to know this guy, from all accounts I’ve heard, he’s a typical jock. But if I’m going to have any sort of social life during my time at university, I need to try and ‘squash’ whatever it is that might be between us, that’s if there’s anything to squash at all.

  I walk towards the back door with Mia close behind, bracing for whatever is about to h
it me, figuratively or literally.

  I see Dan out the back peeing against a fence with the guy he just walked outside with. His friend is laughing about something. He clearly isn’t bothered by the fact that I’m here. Maybe he didn’t notice me after all.

  I turn back around to Mia with hope in my voice ‘look he’s totally forgotten already, he probably doesn’t even know who I am! Maybe we can just leave it that way’? I say, before being met with Mia rolling her eyes as she has an impossibly small sip of her drink.

  ‘No way. You’re going to get bad ass butt over there and show him that you’re just here to have fun.' Mia puts emphasis on the word fun, with a playful look taking form on her pretty face. I wish it were as easy for me as it was for her to have ‘fun’.

  Dan and his nameless friend walk over to a group of girls. He strikes up an easy conversation with the best looking of the bunch. She is receptive of him, which is no surprise. He’s easily one of the most ruggedly handsome guys I’ve ever laid eyes on. More manly than most of the other guys here at the party. And I don’t use the word man lightly. His tall, imposing figure compared to everyone else he’s standing with gives him an intimidating air. His forearms alone look like the size of my fricken head. I don’t enjoy the idea of approaching him at all. Just as i'm convincing myself that going and speaking to him would be pointless, his glare lands on me again. Shit. Our eyes lock, before I tear my gaze away, to look down at my feet. My hands start shaking and I can feel my throat and chest tightening.

  I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, getting control of myself. When I open my eyes and he’s still looking at me, but now the glare is gone and he looks more curious than anything else. The girl is also staring at me, smiling lightly. She looks like the typical girl that every guy would love to be with, and every girl wants to be friends with. Just seeing the two of them standing with their arms touching each other gives me a feeling of ‘me vs them’, and my stomach begins to feel as though its tied in knots, again.

  Time slows down as I begin the death march over to Dan Swanson, my only protection being the alcohol, is which nearly spilling out the sides of my red solo cup, due to my shaky hands. Stop shaking hands!

  Chapter 3

  Dan

  What the fuck is she walking over here for?

  ‘Hi… hello, excuse me, Dan? She asks, a hesitant look on her face, her hands clasped tight around a cup.

  ‘Yes’?

  ‘Um, do you know who I am? Wait I don’t expect you to know, I just… I just want to know if you know who I am before I say anything else. If you don’t know who I am, which would be totally normal, that’s cool. I’m going to stop talking and let you answer’, her cheeks are going red, and the blushing spreads across her pale skin, down over her collar bones and chest. I feel a sense of excitement, watching her uncomfortably shift from one foot to the other, attempting to speak to me, while holding her under my gaze. Everyone is silent, intent on listening in on our conversation.

  ‘Grace Miller. Principal Miller's daughter.’ I say Principal Miller's last name slowly just to point out the big ass pink elephant sitting with us. A smirk begins to tug at the corners of my mouth.

  ‘Is this funny for you’? She asks, her voice shaking a little now.

  ‘Why should it be, have you done something funny? Are you making a joke that I’m unaware of’? I feel a little bad being so harsh, but I have no reason to be kind.

  ‘No’. She stops and looks like she’s considering what she wants to say. Everyone else stays silent. With Jake on one side, and Rachel on my other, she’s clearly cracking under the pressure of all our eyes on her.

  She huffs a little before starting to talk again; her voice has gone up an octave. The red solo cup in her hand is starting to match the color of her face.

  ‘I just wanted to say that I’m just here to have fun and I didn’t even know this was your place until we got here. I mean I knew you were going here and all that but I didn’t know this was your party. Not that I was thinking about you either, because I wasn’t. I pretty much never think about you. But not in like a nasty way, I just mean like why would I even think about you’? Grace's voice is shaking a little, and her gaze moves from my eyes to her feet far too often.

  ‘Then have fun, Grace’ I say back, purposely speaking slower than I normally would. ‘Look’ I continue, ‘I don’t care if you’re here or not. Stay all night or leave right now, doesn’t make a difference to me’. Shit. That came out a little too harsh.

  Rachel gives me a smack and Jake laughs uncertainly. I automatically laugh too, but only because Jake triggered me. Fuck. She had nothing to do with what happened and I’ve acted like an asshole. She clearly wanted to try and make things cool between us.

  ‘Ok, great. Have a nice night’, she mumbles, a pained expression taking form on her face.

  ‘Hang on a second’ I call out to her, but she’s already turned around and walking away, her friend throwing serious fucking daggers at me. If looks could kill that blonde girl would have murdered me dead right there. I watch them walk through the house and out the front door.

  ‘Damn, both of you guys are assholes. I expected better from you Dan, regardless of what happened in the past’, Rachel takes a step back, with a disappointed look on her face. I hate disappointing Rachel, and she’s damn right.

  Chapter 4

  One year later

  Grace

  It’s finally Friday. I’ve been waiting for this weekend since I found out about the field trip. Part of my creative writing class involves submitting a novella to a book fair. My dad writes short stories. I rarely get to see him because of work but when I do, he always has new and interesting to stories for me to read. It has been our way of bonding over the years since mom left. Things have always been kind of hard for him, I could always see that. So he started working longer hours, and when he wasn’t working, he was writing. I think writing was always his first passion, but it didn’t pay the bills, so he started teaching English, and eventually worked his way up to being a principal.

  When I was younger, he would take me to his favourite little café and we would take our little journals and special pens that you refill with your own ink. So I’ve basically been writing my whole life. Studying creative writing at college is like second nature to me, but I’m not expecting to become some huge name author making big bucks – knowing my luck I’ll be whoring myself as a ghost writer, but if that can sustain my actual writing, I’ll be happy with that.

  As for tonight, Mia is making me come with her to the Friday night game. First game of the year. I managed to avoid most of the games last year to save myself from another encounter with him. Not that he would have noticed me up in the grandstand, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. At least this is what I tell Mia, although she knows me well enough to know that I would rather be curled up on the couch watching a cheesy Rom Com or reading a fantasy romance novel.

  A frantic knocking sounds out throughout my small flat as i'm stepping out of the shower. There's only one person in the world I know who knocks on doors like that every time without fail

  ‘Come in’ I shout out, I’m just getting dressed, how’s your new boy going’? I ask Mia.

  Mia lets out a sigh and then begins to talk in a tired voice ‘Oh. Please. What a monumental let down that jerk off was. Word of warning babe, steer clear of jocks. They are all the same’

  ‘Aw Mia babe, they aren’t all like that. You need to look for the good, you scare so easily with guys. All Charley did was dance with a girl at a party last week’ I reply, trying to make what he did sound less assholish.

  Mia isn’t interested and looks at me seriously ‘If a man wants me, he’ll treat me right from the beginning and won’t have eyes on any other girls’.

  Slowly pushing the her towards the door, as we are already running late, I try to change the direction of our discussion. ‘ok, how about no boy talk tonight. Let’s just go enjoy the night and…. Watch some... boys... pla
y football..’ I say, finishing in a deadpan voice, noticing the contradiction in my declaration.

  It’s easy for me to say as I don’t have any boys that I’m interested in. Sure, I’ve had opportunities, but all the guys at college just don’t seem to do it for me, especially the athletes, who seem to have the attention of every single other girl anyway.

  The familiar nervousness of being around too many people hits me immediately as we walk in. It's hard to find a spare seat leat alone two spare seats. I don’t even know who our team is playing, but they are supposed to be one of the best, with an amazing defense.

  After stopping what felt like a thousand times so Mia could talk to every second person we pass, we finally manage to find some seats that are pretty close to the sideline, giving us a perfect view of the players running on and off the field.

  I maybe know one or two of the people that Mia stops to talk to. They are more acquaintances than friends, she says, but they all seem to like her. I reach into my pocket and pull out a handful of skittles.

  ‘Seriously, do you go anywhere without skittles’? Mia asks me, as she digs her hand into my pocket to get some for herself.

  ‘Um excuse me, did I give you permission to eat my skittles’? I interject pretending outrage.

  ‘Ugh, you’re right, I should be watching what I eat after the luck I’ve been having with guys’, Mia replies, sounding down.

  ‘Um excuse me, don’t you dare ever even think about choosing a guy over skittles, the day that happens I’ll be holding an intervention’, I reply in a serious tone.

  I look out onto the field with had my resting on my hands, lazily scanning the field… And there he is. Dan Swanson, standing out there, hands on his hips, casually talking to a one of his teammates, the same guy he was hanging with at the party last year, on the night he so rudely shut me down when I tried to hand out a metaphorical olive branch. Jerk.